The Adam and Joe Archive - Adam Buxton And Edith Bowman 24 11 2012 (24 November 2012)

Now our lives are changing fast Now our lives are changing fast Look, does something pure can last?

Look, does something pure can last?

And it seems strange How we used to wait for letters to arrive

It's too small to keep you alive.

We used to wait.

We used to waste our time.

Now our lives are changing fast.

Hope that something pure can last.

Hope is the way.

Sometimes I never care

I was feeling so depressed, I tried to hide away From violence and hate and creepy people every day Then I discovered something that made me feel so gay They took me in and fixed me up and now I got to say It was A&E who done this to me, yes it was

Stubborn heart, starting block, arcade fire.

We used to wait.

Kicking us off on Saturday morning on Six Music, eight minutes after ten, it's A&E, good morning!

How you doing, uh, Edith?

I'm really good, I feel really parky this morning.

Do you?

Yeah.

I will cure that.

Less terrified than I was last week.

We'll slap you down.

Scare me by the end of the show today.

Yeah, no, you're gonna be depressed.

How are you?

In three hours.

Uh, I'm fine, yeah, a little bit of a cold encroaching.

You've got a huskiness today about you, I like it.

smooth wonderful smooth sounds like the smooth bald head of Jean-Luc Picard yeah but you know not feeling too bad well if I can get you anything at any point you know just I am nurse and you're the ED attrition here we go yeah so I can help sort of you know solve those issues with various ailments that's Jeff in Tunbridge Wells who suggested the ED attrition yeah that's good although I'm not sure about the I just ED attrition you're an ED attrition it makes it sound more

You know, it's like a proper delineation.

Is that the right word?

Idiotrician.

So last week was our first show here on Six Music, first show of seven that we're excited to be doing.

Yeah.

And we announced that we were going to send a couple of knitted effigies of ourselves to whomever we thought deserved the most.

And in the end, we sent them to Chris Renton.

Chris Renton.

That's right.

Hi, Chris.

How you doing Chris?

And Chris has sent us back some photographs of his week with the bears.

They're very professional pictures.

Tell us a bit about Chris Renton.

Well the reason they're very professional is that Chris is a photographer.

He's a professional photographer.

He lives in Bromley with his lovely pregnant wife Monique and their miniature schnauzer Mungo.

He loves all sorts of music from rock and blues to dance.

I'll name you a few of those.

Moby,

Depeche Mode, Rage Against The Machine, ACDC, Guns N' Roses, 80s Prince, oh just 80s Prince then, Michael Jackson and any movie soundtracked by Hans Zimmer.

And the professional steam tune is pretty hard to beat too.

I agree.

But what kind of things did he get up to with the bear?

Well, you may well ask.

You can check out exactly what he got up to by going on to the Six Music website.

Is there any... well, you just go to the Six Music website and type in Adam and Edith, is that right?

Yeah, go on the Facebook page.

So all the pictures are up there.

So Six Music Facebook site, there's six pictures up there.

I have to say the fourth picture, my bear or my knitted effigy, she does look about 90 from the back and it's quite amazing that a knitted being can age so wonderfully.

The thing is that Helen Davis who actually created the effigies

Originally that one was supposed to be my dad.

I have to admit it's great because she made little knitted versions of myself and Joe Yeah, and there was also another one that was supposed to be my dad.

So when when it came to choosing something for you Edith I'm your dad in a wig and a Jimmy hat.

Yeah, I went for the little old man Jimmy hat.

You can't say Jimmy hat.

Yes, I can.

I'm Scottish It's racist, but if I say it's all right, it's

In hip-hop parlance, a Jimmy hat is a prophylactic, isn't it?

I think so.

On Day of the Soul, they're always going on about Jimmy hats.

Oh, there's my first lesson of the day.

Come on, I know all about hip hop.

I'm like a rapper.

I'm a rapping man.

All right, listen, let's play some music and I want to talk to you about what kind of week you've had after that's what you do on radio.

Just talk about your week.

And if you want to take the bears out this week, by the way, our little knitted beings, then get in touch.

Adam and Edith at sixmusic.co.uk.

Yes.

at bbc.co.uk.

That would be an email address, not a website.

Right, exactly.

Nice, nice going.

Hey, look, this is exciting.

Anne Robinson's released a single.

No.

Yeah.

You did it, you did it, uh-huh.

Baby, you did it, uh-huh.

You made me want you.

♪ You make me love you and I'm glad ♪ ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪ ♪ You did it, uh-huh, you did it to me ♪ ♪ Yeah, I said you did it, uh-huh, baby, you did it, uh-huh ♪

never thought I was born in love not as long as I live now boys I met just wanted for me had nothing to give yeah then you came along with everything that a boy should possess yeah you little spark

Who knew Anne Robinson had such a great voice?

Yeah, she's got a wonky face and she's a bit snippy, but what a voice on her, that's incredible.

Snippy's such a great way to describe her.

That's the polite way.

So what kind of week have you had?

It's been quite full on actually.

Yeah, full on week.

I left here last Saturday, went straight up to the homeland to Scotland to do the Scottish BAFTAs, which was celebrating everything Scottish.

People in kilts and drinking iron brew and gingerness in the room.

And then I had to hang out with Michael Caine this week as well.

Did you?

Yes.

How was that?

Good or bad?

It was quite nerve-wracking because he's a bit of a legend, do you know what I mean?

But he's very nice indeed and I had a bit of an icebreaker with him as well.

A story that I've been wanting to tell him for years and never been in his company to be able to tell him like I would be anyway.

Which was that my grandad bought the bus from the Italian job when I was a kid.

How much did that set him back?

I've no idea.

And he used it to go to my aunt's wedding.

Did he blow the bloody doors off it?

I'm sure that's why he bought it with an intention of doing that.

Yeah.

Not sure if he'd get his hands on any explosives.

But after that wedding, there was definitely a lot of damage to the bus.

He didn't seem that impressed by it, to be honest.

You hung out with Michael Caine this week.

That's impressive.

I got a bit passive-aggressive with my wife about the way she cooked broccoli.

You need to, you need to lighten up on her.

I mean, you know, the problem with the darkness, problem, you know.

It's true.

Yeah.

I mean, she, cause she is a saintly figure.

I mean, she is, she does everything.

She keeps my life going in every conceivable way.

And she's a wonderful mother and a beautiful woman.

So what did you have a go at her this week about?

Well, you know, I got back after the show on set.

I was looking forward to my meal.

Seared tuna.

Just thinking about it makes me excited.

And that was accompanied by broccoli.

Love broccoli.

It's my favourite of the vegetable family.

But the problem was that bedtime stories went on quite a long time.

My daughter demanded four in the end and it was non-negotiable.

How old is she?

She's four.

We do it by age.

You're four, you get four books.

Oh yeah, well that's, I mean, it's going to get unmanageable after a while, isn't it?

Then we'll turn it to pages.

When you get past six, you have six pages.

Words.

That's the way it should be done.

So it took a while and by the time I got downstairs, I couldn't help but notice that the broccoli had been on for quite a long time.

And then it was laid on my plate and it had that kind of dark green color, you know what I'm saying?

So I pinched the end of one of the stalks.

It just mushed in my fingers like mashed potato.

so I said I thought right okay this is a problem now and I said tell her well I did what am I gonna do I'm not just gonna sit there and eat mushy broccoli that's insanity so I said I thought okay I've got to handle this carefully because she's wonderful she'd be working all day she's now made my supper for me which is really nice I'm excited but the broccoli is mushy so I said listen I

I'm going to sound like a bit of a wally and I'm really sorry, and please don't get angry, but would it be okay if I just cooked a little bit more broccoli?

I'm just going to put some other broccoli on."

And she's like, why?

Well, I said, just a tiny bit mushy.

Just a tiny bit mushy.

I love mushy broccoli.

Great stuff.

You can mash it.

That's brilliant.

I have it as a paste.

But that's not what I was looking forward to.

I was looking forward to the crunchy goodness of the lightly steamed broccoli.

Man, you should live in my other half.

Really?

Seriously.

You can't cook broccoli either?

Yeah, I can't.

It's like it's hovering over you on the stove going, that's it, it's done, take it off now.

It's a mild obsession of mine to the extent that I used to do a character called Famous Guy, who was like a sort of big, loud, stupid American actor.

And I imagine Famous Guy having a part in a kind of Ray Charles type biopic like Ray, you know, and going into the studio and doing a song all about cooking broccoli, which I can sing for you now if you

Will you, please?

Okay.

Yeah, I've got the backing track there.

It says burnt broccoli.

Okay, here we go.

Burnt broccoli.

My baby failed to cook my broccoli, broccoli.

It only needs a few minutes of steam, woman.

Burnt broccoli.

It's not so hard to cook it right, but she did it sloppily.

Look at it, the head's all mushy and stuff.

If she can't cook my broccoli right, it's gonna be a fight with burnt broccoli.

Green crunchy goodness is what I prefer to the squidgy burnt broccoli.

It would win an Oscar, I think.

I was about to say that.

That's up there with Am I a Man or a Muppet from the Muppet film, for sure.

That's what needs to happen.

That needs to come out in a kind of alarm form in your kitchen as soon as your broccoli's ready for everyone.

It's true, isn't it?

It should be piped in.

Right, Edith, you've got a song for us right now.

Yes, My Morning Jacket.

I can't remember how I heard them this week, but I heard My Morning Jacket in my ears at some point this week, and so it made me go back and revisit the album Zedd, which I absolutely love.

It's a good one, isn't it?

Very good album.

So from it, I've picked Beats For You.

So enjoy this with you, Broccoli.

So that's fine

Who stopped the smoke from breathing?

I have such admiration for people who can whistle on demand as well.

It's such a precious thing to... You're not a good whistler?

Not under pressure, like if I'm in a room in front of people and someone goes, Whistle!

Whistle now!

Do it!

Come on, do a proper whistle.

I can do like a proper like, oh yeah, but I'll save that for the football terraces if that's alright.

Yes, save it for when you're admiring some breasts.

That's when that whistle, I mean no one really use it anymore do they with that?

Yeah.

It's a shame isn't it?

Well done on your magnificent rack and then you do

That sounded like we were playing it in from a CD.

You're a very talented woman, Edith.

You know, one of the other things that happened to me this week, which is very sad, was I dropped my external hard drive.

And I dropped it onto a carpeted floor.

And I've done it many, many times.

And usually you pick it up, you think nothing of it, plug it in, it mounts, the icon pops up, your day goes on.

Did you get a sad flashing icon?

I got, yeah, and I dropped it and I knew it sounded bad, it dropped on the corner as well and it was the kind of thing that would probably do a bit of jostling to the internal guts of the mechanism.

And I sort of thought, like I pushed any anxieties to the back of my head, I thought that's gonna be fine, it'll mount fine.

And I flung it in and then it started winking at me.

So that's not a good sound and then it didn't mount and it didn't mount and no it's you didn't do the backup of the backup of the backup

No, I didn't.

And I mean, most of my life is spent backing things up.

It is ludicrous.

I spend all my time archiving and backing up and backing up.

And this time, no, I hadn't backed up for a year.

Not the whole of the year.

Right.

I mean, I've got many things.

This was just my iTunes drive, I have to say.

Right.

So all my music.

A year's worth.

And that's a long time, right?

I mean, OK, so this is compared to life-threatening illness and war and famine, etc.

This is not the absolute end of the world, right?

Losing that library.

But on the other hand, gift me a break.

I mean, it's depressing stuff.

A lot of work went into that.

You know, the playlists organised.

Also, I'm slightly OCD, so I capitalise everything.

Wow.

So that took a long time.

Did you just go and sit in a dark room and cry for like an hour?

I had to get on the train.

I was on my way to the train and I was late and I got flustered.

And that's why I dropped it in the first place.

So I had to go and get on the train and try and push it to the back of my mind.

But while I was cycling to the train and everything, I kept on like computing in my mind, like, what have I lost?

What have I lost?

Cycling faster.

And then I phoned my brother, who's like an IT guy, and said, listen, what's the deal as far as data retrieval with these kinds of things?

And he said, nah, it's not going to happen.

Not from a drive that doesn't mount.

So if there's anyone listening out there who disagrees with that, and I said to him, like, well, what about, you know... Sex in the City, she gets it all back.

Exactly, and James Bond and stuff like that, they've blown the thing to bits, it's been like in the centre of a nuclear explosion, they say, yeah, no problem, we'll get that stuff back.

We'll get the files.

It's absolutely fine, you know, from this twisted piece of charred plastic.

On a carpet, and you couldn't get it.

Yeah.

It's ludicrous.

I mean, I think you can, forensically, you could go in and pay millions of quid to get it back, but is it worth it for the new Tame Impala album?

I think it is.

If anyone can help Aidan with his technical issues, they're pleased to get in touch.

I mean, I really just feel depressed about it.

That stuff really gets to me.

I love a bit of technology.

The other thing is, like, once you've bought all this stuff as well off, you know, online or whatever.

What happens with that?

You have to buy it again, right?

There's no record of it.

Oh, no, no, no, no, you can actually.

Can you?

Yeah, because you can go to your purchase things and they're all in there already.

Are they?

So there must be some way that you can go in and go, hey guys, I dropped my hard drive on the carpet.

It's gone.

Can I have them back again?

This is a test of the wretched cloud now, isn't it?

Whether that works.

64046, if anyone can help Adam with his technical issues, please do let us know.

This is BBC Radio 6 Music.

6 Music has always been a great place where you can hear a lot of different music up against each other.

The odd little songs that you've never heard before.

It gives young and up-and-coming artists a real platform.

It's new by JJ Doom, that's on Lex Records.

6 Music has always been very supportive to the Mackeys.

I think Steve and Matt gave us our first ever radio play.

It's what we do.

A music-loving radio station.

It's public service broadcasting at its best.

You get such a range of sessions, of interviews.

What is it that keeps you working?

We don't work music, we play music.

By turn.

Six Music is entertaining, touching and hilarious.

A new phone, everyone!

This will save the economies of the West!

What about global environmental catastrophe?

Shut up!

Just buy it!

This is Six Music with me, Lauren Laverne.

I'm Steve Lamacq.

Radcliffe and McHoney.

High octane, double act interplay.

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I'm Chris Hawkins.

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You're with me, Gideon Coe.

This is BBC Radio.

Music.

Cause he is seen the whole All in the endless breeze Your arms are so mesmerizing That's when you

We start to smile The earth is warm You've got what I've got Water in the way Won't we make it?

Hardness to say, though we pretend it Wild in our ways, what we make it

Can I believe in how the past can change?

Mmm, the beach house.

Delightful.

That's wild.

You're listening to Adam and Edith.

Adam Buxton and Edith Bowman here on BBC Six Music.

Thank you so much for joining us.

It's just gone.

10.30 it's time for the news read by Claire Runnagers.

This is BBC Radio Six Music.

Concerned that children were removed from foster carers due to political membership, iconic actor dies and date for Arafat exhumation.

BBC News at 10.30, I'm Claire Runacres.

Labour's called for an investigation into why a council removed three children from foster carers because they were members of the UK Independence Party.

Labour-run Rotherham Council says the carers' views on immigration made them unsuitable as the children are from EU migrant backgrounds.

Yorkshire's UKIP member of the European Parliament, Godfrey Bloom, thinks it's an outrage.

We have never based our immigration policy on race or colour.

It's simply based on the fact that we think that the island is too crowded and we think you should have a work permit in order to come to this country to work.

More than 50 flood warnings are in place in England and Wales as rain continues to fall in southern areas.

The wet weather will move north during the day.

Larry Hagman, the actor famous for playing the conniving oil baron J.R.

Ewing, has died aged 81 in Texas.

He'd had cancer and liver disease.

Linda Gray, who played his TV wife Sue Ellen, was at his bedside when he died.

Our correspondent in LA, Peter Bowes, has more details.

They were very close and she released a statement describing Larry Hagman as the Pied Piper of life who brought joy to everyone he knew.

He was, she said, creative, generous, funny, loving and talented and she says she will miss him enormously.

David Cameron is returning home to a mixed welcome after talks in Brussels on the EU's next budget collapsed.

The Prime Minister called for a real-terms freeze on spending.

Other countries wanted an increase.

Labour accused him of being isolated in Europe.

Officials in Egypt say that more than 100 people have been injured after clashes with police.

They're protesting its sweeping new powers for President Mohamed Morsi.

And investigators say the body of the late Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat will be exhumed on Tuesday to try to find out if he was poisoned.

He died in Paris in 2004.

Swiss experts found radioactive polonium-210 on his personal effects.

That's 6 Music News, more at 11.30.

All you Trekkies and TV addicts Don't mean to diss, don't mean to bring static All you Klingons in your grandma's house Grab your backstreet friend and get loud Bullets are soft hinges, grab you with the pinches And no, I didn't retire, I'll snatch you off with the needle-nose pliers

Yeah!

Blaze in yeah, the base is amazing

Don't test me, they can't arrest me Fake fight, cross over and shoot lefty You look upset, you'll calm down You look like cable guy dunked over your crown I float like smoke out of chimney You've never been me You wanna rap but you thinkin' they ain't hip-hop beat

That's good, isn't it?

But you're in trouble if you don't like the noise.

Stop scaring me!

That's a bit of a deal-breaker.

If you're into that noise, you're sorted with that track from the Beastie Boys.

Check it out.

This is Adam Buxton and Edith Bowman here on BBC Six Music.

Morning.

Thanks so much for joining us.

I've got a couple of texts in from people to help you with your data recovery.

Oh yeah.

We have Dogbuckles, I think bathe your hard drive in some Radox or some holy water.

If that doesn't work, maybe a day trip to Euro Disney.

Leo from the IT Hard Drive Daycare Centre.

Thanks very much, Leo.

Hannah on a more serious note says, I did exactly the same thing, lost seven years worth of graphic design work, but I got it all back through a data recovery company.

It cost 700 quid, but was worth every penny.

Was it though, Hannah?

That's a good couple of pairs of shoes.

Seven years worth of work.

That's different, though.

I mean, I can just go and, you know, get by those albums again, I suppose, or hopefully retrieve them.

get them for Christmas.

I had a message here from Mike, as far as the broccoli situation was concerned.

He says, broccoli solution for broccoli lovers everywhere.

Faced with soft broccoli, gently fry garlic, chili and anchovies together until a paste.

Add soft broccoli, mix, mash, result, amazingly delicious broccoli pesto.

Yum.

Especially nice with farfalle pasta.

Thank you very much, Mike.

Good recipe.

Probably going to be using that one quite a bit in our health.

I want to ask you something.

Do you cry at films?

Well, you know, I don't but we talked about this before in private.

I do when I'm on a plane and I think that's common for a lot of people when you're on a plane your emotional threshold goes weird.

I think because of the altitude and the booze and it's very easy to cry at films.

But yeah, no generally not.

Why not?

Because I'm a man.

I'm in control.

No, I mean, I'm sort of weepy.

So it depends if you're if you're feeling tired and stuff.

Yeah, sometimes I can be I can be quite weepy.

Because I spend quite a lot of my time in dark rooms with old grumpy men watching films, not those types of films, but things like that.

and this week I went to watch double belt at silver lining playbook the new david or russell film and the sessions and i was really moved by both those films and kind of had a couple of moments where i was like you know dabbing my eyes and stuff and looked around and they're like stone cold almost dead men watching these films and there's got to be certain films though you know that you don't have to be on a plane to cry at that you've kind of found yourself a little teardrop

Absolutely, there's some there's some things that are it's like turning on a tap.

It's like a weird I'm sort of hardwired to cry some reason they're connected with memories or feelings or I don't know what there's a bit in Manhattan where he's listing all the things that make life worth living.

Yeah, and you know even thinking about it, right?

Don't cry on me now.

And he so he lists all these things and then he gets to Tracy's face and then he sort of chuckles to himself a little bit.

And then he rushes off to try and find Tracy before she leaves Manhattan.

And that that makes makes me very sad.

Yeah.

And what's the other one?

There's there's another one for scum.

No, not Forrest Gump, no.

It doesn't make me sad.

The only thing that makes me sad about that is Forrest Gump, is the whole film.

But there's things like, things with dads, that gets me a lot.

Mr. Stevens in... Champ.

Is it remains of the day with Mr. Stevens, the butler with Anthony Hopkins?

Yes.

And Emma Thompson?

That is painful throat territory.

Yeah, the champ for me.

The champ.

Yeah.

Dad's a boxer.

The dad's a boxer and a little kid.

Yeah.

And I mean, there's some things that go too far, like, you know, Sophie's choice.

That's you can't deal with that.

I mean, that's just intolerably painful.

But there's some that are pleasurably painful, you know, like remains of the day.

I'd love to see that example of a man totally losing it to a film and the girlfriend or the wife just sat next to them, sort of stony face going, what?

Yeah.

Are you a crier anyway?

Oh, yeah, totally.

Yeah, totally.

Funnily, we're going to be setting up the memory bank subject today, which is losing it.

And I asked him indoors, I was like, when was the last time?

I lost it.

You can be honest.

Just tell me.

And so sitting, pondering for about 20 seconds, you never lose it.

You just cry.

Yeah.

And then you close down.

Does he get annoyed when you cry?

No.

Well, sometimes go, what are you crying for again?

Because sometimes you have to be so careful because sometimes it's like, OK, you're crying.

You're upset.

But then other times you're like, is this one of the times that you're upset or are you just automatically crying?

Yeah.

And after a while, you have to say, all right, listen, you've got to stop crying because this is not useful now.

We've got to sort of move beyond that.

And I remember last time I was pregnant, we went into a restaurant and for some lunch and on the menu had like some kind of salad as a main course.

And I was like, I'm not that hungry.

I'm going to ask the waitress if I can have it as a starter size.

So she came across like, excuse me, is there any chance I could have the beetroot and feta salad as a starter size?

I'm really pregnant.

I'm not very hungry.

And she went, no.

And you started to cry?

And I just bawled my eyes out in front of her.

Ridiculous.

I mean she should have she would have been well within her rights to say stop crying It's a salad Will you I don't care if you're pregnant have something for God's sake pull yourself together, but then she wouldn't have got a tip probably fired In the middle of the night I may watch you go There'll be no value in the strength of walls that I've grown

There'll be no comfort in the shade of the shadow's throne But I'd be yours, you'd be mine Stretch out my life And pick the seams out, take what you like But close my ears and eyes

Watch me stumble over and over I had done wrong You built your tower but called me home And I will build a throne And wash my eyes out never again

But love the one you hold And that will be your goal To have and to hold The lover of the light

With skin so tight and eyes like marbles who spit me high So watch me as I glide before I tumble homeward, homeward

I was not stable Floored by pride I miss my sanguine eyes So hold my hands up Breathe in and breathe out So love the one you hold And I'll be your gold To have and to hold

And in the middle of the night I may watch you go

There'll be no value in the strength of walls that I'll have grown There'll be no comfort in the shade of the shadows thrown You may not trust the promises of the change I'll show But I'd be yours if you'd be mine

So love the one you hold And I'll be your gold To have and to hold A lover of the light So love the one you hold And I'll be your gold To have and to hold

Mumford & Sons, Babel, coming up to 10 to 11 on Six Music, Adam and Edith here with you.

Thanks to Milo in Hackney who sent us a super sad text to be honest with regards to emotion.

I burst into tears just thinking about elderly clowns taking their makeup off.

The thought of a person who brings happiness, being old, sad and alone whilst pursuing a dying art form.

Tears, real tears every time.

Sob.

Old Clowns.

That is a very specific emotional trigger.

I mean, luckily, there's a good chance you can probably avoid that scenario by just steering clear of clowns, especially in their old age.

I know what you mean.

It is sad.

You know, speaking of sad clowns, I did a photo shoot this week with a guy called Dave Brown, better known as Bolo from The Mighty Boosh.

OK.

He plays Bolo and he's also a brilliant artist.

And he, you know, did a lot of the covers for the Boosh stuff.

And he's doing this exhibition of photographs of comedians looking sad.

Well, not just sad, actually, but not looking, like, goofy.

You know, usually in photos comedians have to, like, point at the camera and pull crazy faces.

So Dave's done some really great portraits of people like Bob Mortimer and...

Phil Jupitus and Julian Barrett and Chris Addison.

And you?

And me, yeah.

What face did you pull?

Show me your face.

Well no, I wasn't allowed to do a face.

It's all like fairly blank and then he brings out your inner ugliness.

It's one of those photos that you can see absolutely every pore.

You know what I mean?

It's really quite brutal.

And then feed you mushy broccoli.

Yeah, exactly.

So we have got some David Bui coming up right now, after which I'm going to tell you an exciting

buoy related thing that I'm doing very excited very shortly and This is John.

I'm only dancing which is an extremely homosexualist song like specifically about I think hanging out in a gay club called a sombrero that he used to frequent back in the day and

Kensington, I think.

I don't think it's there anymore.

But that's that was Bowie's Hangout in the early 70s.

And I think I'm right in saying that this song was sort of inspired by those heady days.

John, I'm Only Dancing.

Have a listen.

Music

I'm only dancing, she turns me on But don't get me wrong, I'm only dancing I'm only dancing, she turns me on But I'm only dancing, she turns me on

David!

Good effort, there's Ronno.

I think that's Ronno, isn't it, Mick Wilson?

John, I'm only dancing.

Good stuff, mate.

John, I'm only dancing!

So tell us your news.

So my news is, and I've mentioned this at a couple of live gigs that I've done, but basically I am going on Celebrity Mastermind.

On Monday, I will go to Manchester, Salford, BBC Media Centre, the palace of the big British castle.

It's kind of like the Fortress of Solitude out there in Salford.

And I will appear on Mastermind.

My special subject is David Bowie in the 70s.

Um, I'll answer first of all some FAQs about Celebrity Mastermind, frequently asked questions.

Yes, there is a very rigorous selection process for Celebrity Mastermind, which consists of five years of mental and physical challenges conducted over a period of not less than five years.

This means that the celebrities you see on the show are some of the cleverest and most able celebrities in the country.

Yes, the questions on Celebrity Mastermind are considerably harder than they would be for a regular show, because celebrity intelligence is that much greater than it is in those who are not celebrated.

Yes, sometimes the celebrities do pretend to do badly on the show.

Yes, it does happen.

Maybe I might do that.

But that is specifically in order to entertain people at home and give them the illusion that some celebrities are capable of being stupid, ignorant and stupid.

Yes.

But that's all part of the entertainment part of the celebrity process, because at the end of the day, you know, that's a big part of it.

So that's business called show.

I might do that.

So basically I've been I've been doing a lot of reading about Bowie because you know you think you think you know someone or something you love it yeah you know I've always loved Bowie but then when it comes down to the facts yeah dates times personnel middle names

Oh, it's not so easy.

And you know, I've been reading lots of books on him and you think, oh dear, I don't know any of this stuff, really.

So it's very nerve wracking indeed.

And then just the the general knowledge round.

I'm in trouble because I'm not good like playing Trivial Pursuit and stuff.

Forget it.

Forget about it.

I thought we could help you with that.

Fuck yeah, I'll buy it.

Yeah, you're going to ask me some questions?

Yeah.

Oh, man.

See, I could never do it because I don't know enough about one subject.

I don't have the concentration to be able to answer enough questions on one thing.

You know a lot about film.

Yeah, but again, it's just like kind of random stuff.

Yeah.

I can't even think of a question.

See, that's how bad it is.

Right, here we go.

How many strings does a standard Spanish guitar have?

Six.

Hold on, I've got something here.

That's not a correct single.

Yes, that's the right answer.

Yes!

Which star sign is represented by the twins?

Gemini.

Correct!

You're gonna fly this!

In Greek mythology, especially as good as that, what did Prometheus steal from the gods?

An alien baby with a weird kind of waxy face.

Fire.

The Malon Fébulle is the French television... I'm sure that's how you pronounce it by the way... is the French television version of which British quiz show?

Le Malon Fé... what?

I bet they say Le Malon Fébulle.

Au revoir!

Oh right, right.

Weakest Link.

Yes!

One more?

Yeah, go on then.

Which time did the pied piper rid of rats?

Hamlin!

Yes!

I mean, that's a ridiculous question.

You may as well just say... It might come off!

What colour is a carrot?

Well, you see, it could be green or orange.

Could you get green carrots?

No, you can't get green carrots.

What?

And purple ones.

Shut up.

Yes, you can.

Shut up!

You can!

Shut it!

Shut up!

No, you can't.

Can you really?

You can.

You're blowing my mind.

What's that?

Sorry Adam Buxton, your time is up.

Yeah, but you started so you must finish.

Alright, stop that, it's blowing my mind.

Is it scaring you?

Yes, it's going to be really terrifying.

I was talking to Richard Herring about it, you know, because he went on.

He did very well, but because he was up against other people who did incredibly well, he got pipped to the winning post by one question, I think.

He was a little bit angry about it.

What was his special subject?

Rasputin have you ever seen Rhys Thomas that you know the comedian yeah he his specialist subject was Queen and he stormed it what the Queen or the band the band Queen he got the highest number of correct answers I think ever in the that's a pretty good subject yeah

He's amazing.

It's worth looking at on YouTube.

He's like a machine just getting it all right.

What do you win for?

What do you get for winning?

When you win?

I think you get a Lamborghini.

That's brilliant.

That's why I'm doing it.

It's charity in it.

So you give some money to charity and and then you get to keep the Lamborghini.

And this is happening on Monday?

Yes.

Wow.

So next week I will tell you how it went.

I can't wait.

And by the way... Can I come and watch?

You could if you wanted.

I'm allowed a guest.

I'd love to.

Oh, it's in Manchester, isn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah, you're alright.

You're not allowed to ask me... Listeners, you're not allowed to send in Bowie questions to test me.

still, because then it reduces the amount of questions that they can set me.

You see what I mean?

But anyway, I'll let you know how it goes next week.

Now I've got a free play for you now, folks.

And this is a couple of French DJs.

They call themselves Birdie NamNam.

And I sort of stumbled across this on a kind of surfing expedition on YouTube at the beginning of the year.

then we decided to use it as the the title music for this show bug that I did earlier on and we had to use a very harshly chopped little moment of it so this is the full thing I love it that's just an instrumental and it's called jaded future

I like it.

Birdy NamNam.

She sounds a little bit like the lady in the Dyatwood, or Dyatwood.

Dyatwood.

Dyatwood, yeah.

Yes, that's right.

That's a good impression.

Yeah, what's she called that lady?

Scary.

Fringe girl.

It is DJ Ninja Yolandivisa.

Yolandivisa.

Yeah, yeah, they're great, aren't they?

Birdy NamNam, and what's that a quote from?

Which film does that refer to?

See, no idea.

It's the party with Peter Sellers.

Oh, that's a good one.

That's a great film.

Yeah, and It's he stuff like that rubbish like men remember lines remember and all that kind of stuff can't it?

You know just have a you must have something missing and you can't cook broccoli and I can't cook broccoli Wow should leave right now I think you should I'm gonna play him first if that's right.

You love them.

Well, they did a session for Lauren this week.

Right!

Did you go and watch it?

I didn't, I wasn't allowed.

Because they were scared that you would just hassle them.

It's too much for them, it's too much.

You'd try and kiss them.

I'd stroke their long luscious locks.

Sure.

So I'm going to play it instead and you can still listen to it online on the Six Music website.

So this is Haim in session for Lauren earlier on this week and this is Let Me Go.

Well, get me out, get me in I'll give you everything I could give You try to take, you try to make But take on everything you can't break Well, if you go so easily Well, go on, get out, set me free But I will wait and I will want Wait till the day you're back again Let me out, let me in I've given up, not giving in

Cause together we are not one, we are nothing, we're holding on and on Together now, forever then, we'll go ahead, don't you let me in But I will wait and I will want, wait till the day I beg again Let me go, you know I'm not one for leaving Let me go, you know I'm nothing without your love

I'm nothing without your love So let me go You know I'm not one for leaving Let me go You know I'm nothing without your love I know I'm nothing without your love So please, girl, let me go

You gave me everything I could give You try to take, you try to make You take all that you can make It could go so easily Go ahead, don't you set me free I will wait, I will want, which is the day You're back again, let it out, let it in I'm giving, I'm not giving in Cause together we are not one, we are nothing Moving on and on, together now, forever then Go ahead, don't you let me in I will wait, I will want, which is the day You're back again, let me go

I'm not

you

Sex.

Music.

Whatever your allegiance.

I used to have a Run DMC t-shirt from the early 80s.

My favourite band t-shirt was Nirvana.

I've got a couple of Strokes ones.

Rage Against the Machine.

Muse.

Pink Floyd.

Rolling Stones, 1981.

Duran Duran.

It's time to dig out your band t-shirts and be proud.

This Friday is the fifth annual wear your old band t-shirt to work day.

Get involved and share with us your banned T-shirt pictures.

Just include the hashtag 6MusicT-shirt there.

Plus, listen to me, Steve LeMac, on Friday to find out how you could be walking away with a very special T-shirt.

Signed by Blur, Keith Richards, The XX, Gary Neumann, Alt-J, Richard Ashcroft, The Stranglers, The Manic Stroke Preachers and more.

It's wear your old banned T-shirt to work day.

This Friday on BBC Radio 6Music.

Ocean blue

What have I done to you?

Caught so deep Yet growing through and through Drawn apart New York and London All I see now Are distant drum limbs The roads I knew

I know I'll stay, I know I'll stay right there with you Though, it might be too late What would you say, what would you say, what would you do?

became one with the beams but we fell like rain got lost into the sea if I don't know the wind will carry me so just hold tight

What would you say, what would you say, what would you do?

Over and over many setting suns I have run, I have waited for the rain to come When through that mist I see the shape of you And I know, and I know that I'm in love with you

10 past 11 on Six Music, Tudor Cinema Club and Son.

It's the A&E show.

Adam Buxton, Edith Bowman.

Morning if you've just joined us.

The Ediatrician and Dr. Buckles.

Helping you with your problems.

We seem to have quite a few this morning as well.

Yeah.

Everyone seems to have them.

What were you going to say?

I was going to say that I love how people are still coming up with their own specific names for us.

Sure.

And they haven't conformed to what we've chosen.

They can't be pinned down.

It's almost like a term of endearment of, you know, having a secret name for a loved one.

I know, it's nice, isn't it?

I quite like it.

So listen, Memory Bank, shall we fire off that mother-loving jingle?

My favourite thing in the world, yeah.

Time for some stories you deposited in the Memory Bank The Memory Bank, the Memory Bank We're the nice bank, would you like to bank with us?

All of them are truthful, every now and then they're a little bit frank The Memory Bank, the Memory Bank Ooh, I'm sorry but you're very overdrawn Email us your stories, or text or tweet or send them round with Hank Send them with Hank, send them with Hank to the Memory Bank

No one's taken advantage of the Hank method of communicating their stories to us so far.

It's only week two.

Yeah.

But if you do want to get in touch and send us a story on this week's topic, which is losing it in all its various forms, but I suppose mainly meltdowns we're talking about, then the address and the text number are Edith

Text number is 64046, you can email us adamandedith at bbc.co.uk or you can tweet us at bbc6music please.

And the address is, did you say the address?

Yeah for the email, adamandedith at bbc.co.uk.

Unless you want stale mail.

You're insane.

We should have some terms and conditions as well, uh, for if you're going to get in touch with us, you have to stick to a few rules, they're very important and here they are.

When you text or tweet, please make sure it's safe to do so.

Please do not tweet while driving, flying a plane, performing major surgery, speaking to other people, sitting in a cinema or making sweet sweet love.

Please keep all communication concise, amazing and non-abusive.

Excessively long and rambly messages will not be read.

Charges for stray apostrophes will appear on your bill.

Messages may be edited then read out badly or in stupid voices.

We cannot accept responsibility for distress caused by failure to read out messages.

Your texts will be charged at your standard message rate.

Thank you.

There you go, more or less covered the whole thing.

So losing it.

Yeah, good suggestion from Joe Nunnery, who works on the show.

And I think it's brought out a lot of good examples and stories from listeners throughout the week.

Yeah, definitely keep them coming in.

But some of my favourite moments when people have lost it.

I mean, I love to shout personally.

do you love shouting every now and again you can let off steam you know I spoke to Jon Ronson about this for a new series that he's doing what a new series of his show Jon Ronson on some radio for I don't think it started yet and I spoke about losing my temper and whether it qualified me as a psychopath or not

You like shouting at people or just shouting?

No, I don't.

I mean, I like, I like to shout.

Yeah, just in general.

And I don't like to shout at people.

I find confrontation quite stressful.

But maybe for that reason, I enjoy it when I see other people doing it.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Especially British people, because Americans seem to have a way of getting angry in a sort of cinematic way that doesn't leave them jangling afterwards in a way that it does for especially a lot of the middle class Brits that I know.

Because it's that kind of thing of we've got a lot more control and to see someone lose that control and to let themselves go and utterly lose it is just, it's brilliant.

One of my favourite moments, which everyone will be familiar with, is from 2008 on the set of the film Terminator Salvation, when Christian Bale, with his weird sort of, you know, English stroke American accent,

lost his temper with the DOP, the director of photography, Shane Hurlbut, who had apparently walked across a scene, like he distracted him walking around the set during a scene they were doing.

And Christian lost his concentration and got very angry.

Here's a censored clip, which I've done specially for family listening, just to give you an example, to remind you.

Are you professional or not?

Yes, I am.

Do I f***ing walk around and rip down... No, shut the f*** up, Bruce.

Do I want... No!

No!

Don't shut me up.

I'm not shutting you up.

Am I gonna walk around and rip your f***ing lights down in the middle of a scene?

Then why the f*** are you walking right through?

Like this in the background.

What the f*** is it with you?

You do it one more f***ing time and I ain't walking on this set if you're still hired.

I'm serious.

You're a nice guy.

You're a nice guy, but I don't cut it when you're like this on set.

Good adjustments.

OK, good adjustments.

That's McG at the end saying, OK, good adjustments.

Now, can we carry on filming the brilliant film?

That's my favorite bit.

And also, you're a nice guy.

Have you ever said that to someone?

You're a nice guy, but no, you're not good.

That is a good song as well.

It's one of my favourite songs.

So that's a classic.

Everyone loves that.

Have you ever gone that far?

No, no, I'm way too locked down to do that.

I would implode before I got to that.

I mean, I've probably gone that far at home, but that's a different thing, isn't it?

At home, all bets are off.

But when you're in front of people who you know you shouldn't lose it with, it's very upsetting when you do.

Voice recognition systems.

Right, yeah exactly that and on the phone when the person is not completely in front of you Yeah, not physically in front of you then it then I do I do lose my temper the other favorite clip I have From the world of TV and film is from the panorama documentary Scientology and me great program.

Yeah in which John Sweeney

was pushed to the limits by the Church of Scientology and particularly the representative on the program, Tommy Davis, who had this sort of maddening coolness that eventually made John Sweeney, the presenter, snap.

This was May 2007, the program was first aired on the BBC and here's a reminder of that moment.

Then Tommy Davis launches into me yet again for the uncritical way he believes I interviewed Sean Lonsdale back in Clearwater.

And I lose it, big time.

You should have said to him, what evidence, Sean Lonsdale, do you have that people have been tortured?

You didn't do that.

Hold on a second, Tommy.

No, no, no.

Stop there, Tommy.

No, I'm not stopping here.

You listen to me for a second.

You're accusing members of my religion of engaging in brainwashing.

No, Tommy, you stop.

No, listen to me.

YOU WERE NOT THERE AT THE BEGINNING OF THAT INTERVIEW!

YOU WERE NOT THERE!

YOU DID NOT HEAR OR RECORD ALL THE INTERVIEW!

Do you understand?

I apologize there, and I apologize now.

It was wrong, and I let my team down.

IT WASN'T WRONG!

YOU WERE NOT THERE!

That's what I'm like when the children drop their cereal.

And then interjecting as well with, do you understand?

Do you understand?

I love it.

It's like a ghost of his reasonable self, kind of peeping in and sort of interjecting.

So earlier this week, I spoke to another journalist who's made a career out of not losing it, despite being confronted on a regular basis with, I would say, some of the world's most unreasonable and extreme people.

I'm talking about Louis Theroux.

How did he do it?

How is it he do it?

Friend of the show.

And, you know, like, have you ever seen The Most Hated Family in America?

Yes.

And then when he goes back there?

Right.

Yeah.

Westboro Baptist Church, this religious group that picket the funeral.

One of the things they do is picket the funerals of soldiers, because they believe that because America is so tolerant of homosexuality, that they deserve, the soldiers deserve to die, because that's the country they're fighting for.

You know what I mean?

Like insane people.

And yet Louis manages to remain calm.

They're another good example of like in the Scientology doc where they have this kind of almost kind of like blank look in their faces where nothing registers with them that he's saying.

It's all so calm and their reasoning is so... That's right.

It's just, it's bonkers.

It's hard to know how to get through to people like that.

Anyway, so here's Louis talking about how he manages that.

people often say to me I don't know how you keep your cool because if it were me I would be shouting at those crazy racists or bigots or whoever it happens to be and in fact that might be the number one question I'm asked and it's odd because I don't feel as though I make any effort to stay calm if anything I have to work myself up to

Confront people and to raise my tone.

So the challenge for me isn't staying calm.

It's actually Being confrontational is to get into a little bit of a ding-dong, which I find awkward and embarrassing Sometimes when you're angry I suddenly gets I get an adrenaline dump and and so I get so upset that I can't actually form proper words and sentences and I start

talking like this and I start hyperventilating and I get this kind of like almost like I'm gonna collapse feeling like that's more in a public setting where I don't get that with my wife and kids like when I'm angry with them it's a more kind of normal anger but if I'm in a situation where I know that I'm not really supposed to be angry or it feels like very stressful to be angry

Then I do, I start getting a kind of Parkinsonian kind of response.

So the question is, what's it like?

What happens when Louis does get angry?

I asked him, like, what situations has he been in where he's actually lost it?

And he really had to struggle to think of one.

This is the best he could come up with.

Road rage is obviously the classic.

You don't hear as much about it.

It was big in the 90s, wasn't it, road rage?

And I cycle more than I drive, so I tend not to get, I've never really had much rage in the way of driving, but occasionally, if you're on your bike and you get abuse, sometimes people shout abuse.

Someone, I was driving along and someone shouted out, you're gonna get yourself killed, just because I did some creative weaving.

He rolled down his window and said, you're gonna get yourself killed.

And which in a way is a kind of considerate thing to say, but I construed it as abuse.

So I cycled around the other side and then his wife was in the other seat and she rolled down her window and said something like, do you know you're driving is a scandal?

Why don't you obey the laws like we do?

And I said, okay, and why don't you just stuff it up your bum?

And it was one of those things where I thought, I don't know why, I just took a slightly reasonable tone and used this effete language.

Why don't you just stuff it up your bum?

Like, I was really angry.

And I don't know if that was slightly embarrassing like that.

It's like my anger came out in this sort of like slightly distorted, muted, I'm going to be polite and use a silly word.

It didn't feel like the best thing I could have said.

So, I want to hear, and Edith wants to hear your stories about times when you have melted down, either in a fairly muted way, like that, or spectacularly, and you can send them in to adamandedithatbbc.co.uk or text 64046.

64046, correct, yeah.

Yeah, thanks very much.

But right now, it's time for some music.

Naina Cherry, who presents Cassette Dock at Midday on Sunday.

This is going to be one of my favourite songs.

We've got a Huey Trail before this.

Of all time.

Or am I reading the wrong thing?

We're going to go Naina.

Because she's much better.

They all came runnin', they were makin' noise Men havin' toys, that's the girls on the block With the nasty curls, wearin' padded bras Suckin' beer through straws, droppin' down their drawers

So who say you wanted money, but you know it's never funny When your shoe is worn through and there's a rumble in your tummy But you had to have style, get a go-to smile Put a girl on the corner so you could make a pile Committed a crime and went inside It was coming your way, but you had to survive When you lost your babe, you lost your race Now you're looking at me

He's lookin' good in every way Nostalgy, you better watch, don't mess with me

Lookin' good when it comes to deep punch Lookin' good, it's a state of mind State of mind, don't look behind you State of mind, boy, you'll be dead State of mind, man, I'll remind you How about a bass?

Rock this place What is he like?

What's he like, anyway?

Yo, man, what do you expect?

The guy's a gigolo, man

We always hangin' at Buffalo stands We do the dives every time we dance I give you love, baby, not romance I make a move, nothin' left to chance So don't you get fresh with me Wind on my face, sound in my ears Water on my eyes, and you on my mind As I sink, divin' down deep, deeper into your song

Oh, thank you.

Naina Cherry, Buffalo Stans, she's going to be presenting Cassette Dock at Midday tomorrow on Six Music, more than if you've just joined us.

Loads of you are sending in YouTube clips of people losing it.

We don't need any more, we've got the best YouTube clips we think already in terms of showcasing some of the best people losing it.

So we want your stories, stories of you guys and you losing it, so send them in 64046 or drop us an email adamandedith at bbc.co.uk.

It is fun watching those clips though.

Have you ever watched Epic Fail compilations?

No.

people do these things.

It's just like accidents really.

Hopefully non-threatening.

Sometimes people put some really horrible ones up and you just think, oh no, I don't think anyone was okay after that one.

But the best ones are just sort of small skateboard accidents and things like that.

And you can just, yeah, I can watch hours of them.

people like doing free running and stuff and jumping off buildings onto roofs and just going straight through the roof.

Rope swings over rivers, all that kind of stuff.

Great.

I'm watching people fall over.

Epic fail.

Joseph Magic, Peter Magic Johnson actually.

Is he Johnson or Johnston?

Johnston, sorry, you're right.

Peter Magic Johnston is an expert whistler.

Oh mate, because we were talking about this earlier on, you were saying that you're not, you're good at the sexist whistle, not so good at the tuneful one.

Yeah, however, Peter Magic Johnston, check this bad boy out.

And this is him in action, he's just sent us this, is he?

For us, especially.

My name is Peter Magic Johnston and I'm an expert whistler and I'm going to give you a little blast of War of the Worlds.

What?

That sounds like he's got a little instrument thing, like a little clay whistle or something.

That's amazing.

That's a flute, surely.

We're going to be here for a while.

Shall we just leave him to it?

Yeah, let's just leave him to it.

Jeff Wayne could get him in for the new restaging of the War of the Worlds, couldn't he?

That's amazing.

I wonder if there's any footage of him online to prove that that's actually his mouth and not a special instrument that he's manipulating.

I believe you though because, you know, what is this show about if not safeguarding trust?

And Peter Magic Johnston, you would be not safeguarding trust if you deceived us about that and I don't believe you would do that.

We will find you and we will find you.

We will find you and hurt you and smash your whistle.

Should we do some stories now about... Well, we're coming up to news time and news always takes precedence over stories of people having enjoyable meltdowns.

We'll be reading some of those stories out later on in the show and have you got any stories of times that you've melted down that you're going to tell us?

I have a few, yeah, and I should tell you about them after we've played.

I can't imagine you melting down.

Really?

Oh, I melt so well.

Do you?

I'll tell you about it.

We know that you're a crier.

You're like emotionally unbalanced.

There are certain things that really push the buttons.

Are there?

Yeah.

I'll tell you after a bit.

Tom Adele.

This guy is brilliant.

He's like 18 years old.

British singer, songwriter.

This is called Another Love.

I wanna take you somewhere, you know I can't But it's so cold and I don't know where I brought you daffodils and a pretty string But they won't flower like they did last spring

And I wanna kiss you, make you feel alright I'm just so tired to share my nights I wanna cry and I wanna love But all my tears have been used up

On another love, another love All my tears have been used up On another love, another love All my tears have been used up On another love, another love All my tears have been used up

And if somebody hurts you, I wanna fight But my hand's been broken one too many times So I use my voice, I'll be so damn rude Words they always win, but I know I'll lose And I sing a song that would be just ours But I send them all to you

But all my tears have been used up on another love Another love All my tears have been used up on another love

Brilliant.

Tom Adele with Sean's record of the week last week.

Another laugh.

Very nice.

Very talented young man.

Right, we're late.

I'm sorry, it's my fault.

I was talking like right up to the exact second.

I was feeling, I was thinking, I'm like a genius professional radio guy.

And then you just played another record.

So now let's get some news with Claire Runacres.

This is BBC Radio 6 Music.

row over UKIP members fostering, areas of the country on flood alert and new manager for QPR.

BBC News at just past 11.30, I'm Claire Runacres.

A council has been defending its decision to remove three children from foster care because the couple looking after them are members of the UK Independence Party.

UKIP say the decision is appalling

and their policies have never been against multiculturalism.

Joyce Thacker from Rotherham Borough Council explained why they'd taken the action.

These children are from EU migrant backgrounds and the UK has very clear statements on ending multiculturalism and not having that going forward.

And I have to think about how sensitive am I being to the needs of those children.

Very heavy rain is falling across southwestern areas of England, parts of the country already saturated by downpours.

Flooding and widespread travel disruption is expected.

The actor Larry Hagman, most famous for playing J.R.

Ewing in Dallas, has died.

He was 81 and had been suffering from cancer.

Hundreds of people are being sent letters warning them that their financial affairs are facing special scrutiny.

HM Revenue and Customs is writing directly to individuals it believes are involved in aggressive tax avoidance schemes.

The MP, Nadine Doris, has been defending her decision to appear on the reality TV show, I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here.

She told the BBC that she says she hopes it will help the Conservative Party by showing viewers that not all Tory MPs are born with a silver spoon in their mouth or have been to public school.

And in the past half hour, Queen's Park Rangers has announced that Harry Redknapp has signed a two and a half year deal as manager.

On Friday, Mark Hughes was sacked from the club, which is bottom of the Premier League.

The BBC's Mike Bushell has the details.

Talks to bring the former Southampton Portsmouth and Tottenham manager started yesterday afternoon, in fact.

just hours after Mark Hughes was sacked.

QPR chairman Tony Fernandes is quoted as saying, Harry was our number one target, the unanimous choice of the board, and we're delighted we've been able to attract him to the club.

That's 6 Music News, more at 12.30.

We are amazed but not amused by all the things you say that you do Though much concerned but not involved with decisions that are made by you But we are sick and tired of hearing this song Telling how you are gonna change right from wrong

Cause if you really want to hear our views You haven't done nothing It's not too cool to be ridiculed But you brought this up on yourself

And we are sick and tired of hearing your song Telling how you're gonna change right from wrong Cause if you really want to hear all of you, you gotta love me, I say Jackson finds all of it when you say doo-doo-wop, yeah, doo-doo-wop

But when misled, who knows a person's mind can turn as cold as ice Why do you keep on making us hear your song?

Telling us how you're too right for wrong

Sacrifice me wounded, say do the work, do the work Do the work, do the work, do the work Do the work, do the work, do the work Save lives for your people, say do the work Do the work, do the work, do the work

Stephen wonder with you haven't done nothing this is adam and edith here the a and e show although some someone uh emailed us earlier andrew to say i'm not so sure that i like the name a and he doesn't do it for me as the name of the show he says i suggest buckles and bows

There's a hint of the haberdasher about it.

I would say more than a hint.

You know, I would say that's mainly haberdashery.

Hey, welcome to the haberdashery show.

So today we're talking about buttons, which we were last week and the week before that.

Next week we may be strolling into laces.

Needlecraft the following week.

Needlecraft and patches.

We'll be dealing with patches.

So send in your stories about patches to the following address.

Anyway, listen, I'm not poo-pooing that, Andrew.

I wasn't pouring a scorn bucket over it.

Just saying.

We don't like it.

It's not going to happen.

What we are doing, though, is reading out stories about times that you've lost it for Memory Bank.

Time for some stories you deposited in the memory bank.

The memory bank.

We're the nice bank.

Would you like to bank with us?

Indeed.

Thank you very much indeed for getting in touch with us throughout the week and today on this subject.

Do you have one to kick us off there, Edith?

Yeah.

John from Twickenham, who's abbreviated both our names to refer to us as Buxbowl.

Buxbowl?

Buxbowl.

I once had a meltdown whilst auditioning for Central School of Speech and Drama.

While doing a speech from the Duchess of Malfi whilst in front of the panel of fellow auditioners, I fluffed my lines and instantly shrieked a series of F-bombs while flailing my arms like the robot in Lost in Space.

My voice cracked hideously so it sounded like I was going through a furious puberty.

I hoped my intensity would prove my passion for theatre and they'd put me through.

Did they?

No.

it didn't work no you've got I mean you have to earn the right to go Christian Bale yeah you know he's done a lot of films and things so generally it's not so good to start with that here's a message from Simon this is a story he says in January we moved to a new flat on the top of a three-story block down the road from from its garage

Down the road from a garage, maybe?

I don't know.

We were told it was unfurnished.

It wasn't.

So we could have our stuff.

I'm not doing a good job of reading out your message, Simon.

I apologise.

And I actually did read it several times before.

But unfortunately, I've forgotten how to use that part of my brain.

Anyway, so he's saying, I wrapped everything up in plastic bags, carried it out of the flat, down the stairs.

He's taking the furniture out of the flat.

The old furniture out.

and I down the road and put it into the garage.

It took about 10 trips.

My wife is highly security conscious and wouldn't have been happy about me leaving the front door and the garage doors open throughout the process, but I did it anyway because she was just sitting around sorting out money or something while I was sweating like a mountain river.

That's a good expression.

However, on one of the return trips, I found she closed the door.

Ridiculous!

Fortunately, I'd taken my new set of keys with me and tried to open the door.

But, in addition to their previous crimes, the estate agents had given me the wrong keys and they didn't work.

Idiots!

So, I knocked loudly on the door.

No answer.

I rang my wife's mobile.

It was engaged.

I knocked on the door more loudly.

Still no answer.

For the first time, I noticed a doorbell on our new house.

I didn't know we had a bell, but it was pleasing to discover it.

I rang it loud and long.

No answer.

I was very angry.

You could say I lost it.

I started banging on the door, ringing the bell and shouting, where are you?

And other such appropriate phrases.

Finally, my wife approached the door and from the other side said, who is it?

stupid woman it's me I bellowed indignant and enraged who's me came the reply at that point I realized it wasn't our flat

It was the one a few floors below ours and I was shouting at a little old lady.

I ran upstairs and hid.

Yours with lost it love, Simon."

Thanks very much, Simon.

Yeah, that's a bad one.

I like that one.

I've got one from James.

Can I do this one from James?

He went on a Spanish trip to Toledo with a new school when he was 14.

We had a free afternoon and so a few of us went into the town and found a square to muck around in.

Trying to impress my new classmates, I got excited and pushed Dave, a boy in my class, backwards into a fountain.

Nice.

He was soaked through, as was the Sony Walkman he had in his pocket.

The laughter stopped immediately.

I'd misjudged the push and looked like an idiot, so I went over to apologise, only for him to calmly get out of the fountain, grab my brand new van skate shoes I had left by the side and throw them!

Not the vans!

The vans into the fountain!

I went completely berserk.

I screamed at him, What the hell do you think you're doing?

They're suede!

I threw my backpack to the ground and went into the fountain to retrieve my shoes, angrily kicking water out with every step.

Then, without looking back, I stormed off and walked half an hour back to the host family I was staying with, only to find that they were out.

My keys were in the backpack I'd left in the square.

Too embarrassed to go back, I faced my friends and spent the rest of the afternoon on my own, sulking on the doorstep, every now and again, thinking of the words, THEY'RE SWEDES!

Makes me completely ashamed.

Sure.

That's not a manly confrontation, is it?

You've wet my Walkman!

Well, now you've ruined my suede vans!

You pushed me in the fountain and wet my Walkman, and now the wetness of the Walkman is stopping the Walkman working.

Yes, but you've ruined my suede vans!

How could you?

They're brand new suede vans!

But my Walkman's wet!

Wet, I tell you!

Wet, wet, wet Walkman!

I've shaken and shaken, but still it's wet!

And I was playing wet, wet, wet and it's ruined the wet, wet, wet, the wetness of the Walkman.

Come on, guys.

More manly.

Here's a more manly story.

This is something that I'd forgotten happened and it brought it all back to me.

Dear Dr. Buckles and radiologist.

Yeah, I didn't get that one.

It's supposed to sound like radiologist.

Radio Ledith.

That's rubbish.

Well, that's a bit harsh.

Around the age of 12 or 13, my friends and I went through a phase of granddadding each other whenever we could.

Granddadding is where you knee someone in the thigh hard enough to give them a dead leg and render them temporarily immobile.

The key to a good granddad is to shout, granddad, just before you do it.

to alert them to their impending pain and then thereafter you hobble like a granddad.

One lunchtime my friend Johnny got me really good, tears collected in the corners of my little eyes.

The granddadding phase had been running for a few months at this point so I guess my reaction was down to a mixture of anger, extreme pain and boredom.

I punched Johnny full whack in the face.

Immediately regretful, I apologised profusely, claiming I didn't know why I had done what I did.

But it was too late.

I was alienated by my pals for the rest of lunch break.

The whole of lunch break he was alienated.

Johnny and I are still officially friends, but I think our relationship changed that day.

I haven't seen him in two years.

That's all.

Love you, bye!

We'll have some more stories from you later on in the show, so stay tuned and keep them coming in.

But right now we've got some mystery jets for you.

Here they are.

He's the saviour, the saviour Yeah I heard that deal, we're back on the street Where love is blind and talk is cheap Well if you're naked, then I've got a fig leaf

He's the Savior

Yeah, you can drive me to whispers and cries With your behavior, behavior He'd come into town when he was feeling down He would praise her, praise her Now the end is nigh, there's a covenant in the sky He's got to save her

It's the Savior, the Savior

very much loving Mystery Jets and Saviour from their album Radlands.

You sound like a group of seventies pornographers in that, don't they?

It's all very groovy.

Radlands.

I like it a lot.

Can we have the other short version of the jingle there?

You can.

If you play the same version that you played last time, I'm going to really lose it.

Okay.

Time for some stories You deposited in the memory bank The memory bank, the memory bank Ooh, I'm sorry but you're very overdrawn

So what kind of things make you lose it then?

There is one thing that always makes me lose my rag and people like my other half or my friends will try and hold me back from losing it because they'll know if they see it happening they'll know it's people talking at gigs really loudly especially if it's a little gig and it's intimate and it's quiet and you just get someone who's it's like go to the bar and talk or just leave you know

already I could feel my... yeah oh my goodness and do you go and say something?

I do and I completely messed up just last week actually I went to see my friend Andy Burrows play and there was a guy stood in front of me closer to the stage talking and he talked to that level that was you know I think he wanted other people to hear him so it wasn't just a whisper so he wasn't talking to his friends

I was like, yes, so when I, you know, it's like, oh, come on, through the entire gig, but I chose the wrong words to say to him instead of going, shut up.

Yeah, I went up to him and I was like, are you going to talk through the entire gig?

At which point he turned around to me and went, yeah, that's all right with you.

So I had like, what do I say to him now?

I was like, he's kind of shut me down.

You just walked away from that.

I just had to walk away.

Shut down.

Denied.

Yeah, shut down.

Come on, get yourself together.

Well, you could have come back with, no, it's not all right with me.

I want you to stop it, please.

Joe told me a story about going to see what they called King Creosote at the 100 Club.

and he went up and he he physically he didn't assault the woman but he he got yeah she was chatting away and he went up and he was really enraged and he sort of patted her on the back quite hard and then she turned around and he sort of wobbly voiced said sorry but i wonder if you'd mind being quiet please

You know, in a really weird way, like everything gets away from you when you're enraged.

And I think as well, because he'd invaded her physical space, she was really freaked out.

And I think she didn't.

I can't remember if she started crying.

I don't think she started crying, but she she looked wigged out and Joe felt weird about it afterwards.

It was enjoyable.

What about you?

Well, I mentioned before that

being on the phone like sometimes the feeling of powerlessness you get on the phone when you're either being held in a queue or uh your call is important to us we shall answer it as quickly as possible yeah i've been on the phone for four hours right not that important listening to uh Vivaldi or whatever yeah if you're lucky

And then you get on and you speak to someone who doesn't really, is clearly not able to help you.

You know, either they are thousands of miles away in a call centre and they are just going through the predetermined patter and dealing with your call in a very robotic way, which is maddening, or they're just being obstructive or asking you questions you don't know the answer to, which makes me very angry.

Like, I don't know if you have this with your bank, but the bank that I bank with,

The bank that I bank with is They vary up on their fraud protection, right?

So if you make any unusual purchases Yeah, the card just gets blocked by the fraud team.

Mm-hmm, and it's just insane and I live out in the country So every now and again, they the card gets blocked and there's nothing I can do about it except go into my actual branch into town to take 18 forms of ID with you and

Or, um, the other thing is that you have to, like, if you call up to say, no, listen, this isn't a fraud thing.

You have to pass security questions to establish that it's your card.

I never know the answers to the question, because it's not the same set of questions.

Like, they'll vary it sometimes.

You know what I mean?

They'll say, what purchase did you make last February?

And what country were you in?

I don't know.

And they're like, well, you bought something at a computer shop last February, which country was it in?

Australia?

No, I'm sorry, that's wrong.

You failed the security questions.

You're gonna have to go into your branch.

You're insane.

And the other thing that gets me I've had to deal with the phone company recently, because the broadband's gone down in the

Oh, don't get me started on that.

And they they literally have made five appointments, none of which they've kept.

And each time because this is a place away from home that I'm working at, I have to make a special trip, spend the whole day there in the massive slot that they give you, you know, between one and six or whatever.

Yeah, eight and eight.

And they don't show up.

And I've tried every single way of dealing with them.

Like on some of the calls, I'm super calm.

I'm like, hey, it's okay.

Hey, these things happen.

Hey, I'm a cool guy.

I'm gonna bake you a cake.

I'm a disco guy.

That's fine.

It's fine.

Let's just arrange another appointment.

And so I've tried that.

I've tried being more tougher.

Like, you know, this won't do.

I've, I've paid a lot of money to get here.

I've paid £50 to get on the train and get here for the day.

I've ruined, you know, I've lost a whole day.

I'd really appreciate, I know it's not your fault, but I'd really appreciate nothing.

And then full meltdown I've had.

Okay.

Don't give me the patter.

No, no.

I want to talk to someone who can sort this out now.

You must have a superior.

Put me in touch with the superior.

Now I'm not getting off the phone until you do.

No, no, don't transfer me somewhere else.

I don't care.

Get me results now.

Nothing.

One of my favourite Meltdown things is a guy who phones, or rather BT call him.

This is from a few years back, like Dawn of the Internet, one of the first things I heard online.

And this is more sweary in real life.

I've chopped it for family listening, but listen to this guy in action.

What the hell do you want?

We're calling today to ensure you're getting the best value in service.

BT have got an infotainment phone.

Call up your boo-hoo and get me off it.

It's an X-Directly phone and now includes British Telecom.

We pay the bills, now get off my phone line.

Do you understand?

I understand, sir.

Good.

Well, make sure it's written down and you can't ring me again.

I'll come and swing you on his neck and I mean physically.

Do you comprehend?

Yeah, all it takes is a couple of seconds.

I'll charge you to go and woohoo!

Do you comprehend?

Yeah, no problems, thank you for your time.

God, don't ever make it again!

Right, thank you for your time then sir, thank you for using BT.

Diane, could you do me a favour and listen to that last call for me, please?

He sounds so troubled again.

He's amazing.

The guy from BT, he deserves a medal.

He's persistent.

Yeah.

Thank you very much, sir.

Thanks for using BT.

DON'T EVER CALL AGAIN!

That's maximum hair dryer.

She's put the phone down on this mentalist.

It's like, what?

That's good, isn't it?

Well, listen, we're going to find out some more of your stories in a moment.

But right now I've got a free play for you.

And this is sort of nominally, I actually didn't really think hard about

whether this would be a good song for Brian to listen to or not.

But if you're listening, Brian, this is just a song that I like from an artist you may or may not know.

She used to be in the Fiery Furnaces.

I don't know if there's still a going concern, the furnaces.

But anyway, this is from her first solo album, Eleanor Friedberger.

Used to be Alex Kapranos from Franz Ferdinand.

Did she?

And also Brit Daniel, lead singer of Spoon.

She's going through all the indie stars, yeah.

But I love this song from her album that was released last year.

This track is called My Mistakes.

Dealing all around half afraid for my life I hope I don't crash like that night last summer Back when the bridge was just a wooden path Bouncing around like he said it was 1956 I thought he'd learn from my mistakes I thought he'd learn from my mistakes I thought you'd give me the right

She's got kind of a native vibe before that was so cool She's got kind of a native vibe before I even knew

Oh, I keep time-traveling if it doesn't get better on the second time around.

I thought it made for my mistakes.

I thought you'd give me the right advice.

I wore the same outfit on the day of the high scene I found my nearest car along Parkland Avenue But I went in Brooklyn on an early Sunday morning Carrying umbrella and talking on the phone My mom said run, and I ran I crashed on Baker, cut my head in my knees The ambulance was called by a guy's friend

I swear they, I swear they, I swear they, I swear they saved my life

I've got to learn from my mistakes I've got to learn from my mistakes I've got to give me the right advice

Music.

What makes a band really special?

The characters.

From a very young age, I realised I didn't want to follow my family into factories.

Capturing the zeitgeist.

We were documenting life in the Netherlands.

Whether we liked it or not, that's what we were doing.

And being genuinely fantastic live.

Hello, I'm Terry and I'm going to enjoy myself first.

For the final 6 Music Live Made Avail session of the year, we welcome The Specials.

Go to the Six Music website now to register for your chance to join us on December the 12th.

Six Music Live!

The specials on Steve Lamang.

Only on BBC Radio.

Six Music.

Besides our heads

You know this sound well

Beth Orton and Six Music, Call Me The Breeze, Six Minutes After Twelve, Adam Buxton and Edith Bowman here with you until one.

And before that, lovely choice, Eleanor Friedberger.

Good saxophone in there.

Really good.

You know, that's an instrument that's gone out of fashion, really.

Yeah, since Simply Red days.

Made to sound brilliant there.

Like it a lot.

She's amazing, Eleanor Friedberger.

I saw her playing live in Sydney when I was there at the beginning of the year.

And I was very close to her In every conceivable sense.

I felt intimately linked with her and sort of fell in love with her a little bit while I was watching Wow the show Have you seen her sense?

No Otherwise, you know if I tell you anymore my broccoli is gonna be in a terrible state It's gonna be past much this evening

Yeah.

And that was your song for Brian Eno.

We were going to do this thing over the next few weeks where each week we're going to pick a song from Brian Eno.

Yeah, it's difficult because I mean, I just think that if you if if he does listen, then the fact that we're talking about him is probably going to make him switch off.

You know what I mean?

Because I don't think people like to be they get embarrassed or they're made to feel self-conscious then.

He likes listening in anonymity, I would imagine.

Yeah.

Well, I wanted to make him a jingle.

I think we've probably repelled him.

Anyway, in case we haven't, you're going to do him a jingle.

I would, yeah, I really want to make him a jingle.

Will it be in the style of something that he would do?

Well that's what I wanted to ask you about, being the master of jingles.

I'm like Santa, I'm the jingle king.

It's like a Gypsy Kings tribute band by the Jingle Kings.

I want some advice and tips on how I go about creating a jingle for Brian.

I mean, you might not want to give your secrets away.

You get a computer program that comes preloaded with loops and jingles and then you sing over the top.

That's how I used to do it.

Now, what do I do?

I mean, have you got musical skills yourself?

Very, very kind of basic.

Well, you could do an acapella thing.

I mean, if you're, if you, if you're eschewing instrumentation, certainly it might be something that Brian would appreciate because he loves the human voice.

He loves the power of harmonies and backing vocals.

Yeah.

You know, I heard him talking about the fact that he thinks a great pop hit should be something that you want to not only sing along with, but harmonize with and do sort of BVs on, you know, doo-wop.

He loves doo-wop.

Doo-wop.

Okay.

Maybe I'll do it in the style of doo-wop then.

Yeah, that's not a bad idea.

Now, speaking of styles, you threw it on me last week about Song Wars.

I didn't throw it on you.

We talked about it before, didn't we?

No.

I'd mentioned... No, I shouldn't, because I wouldn't have done that otherwise.

No, but I did say to you, like, in theory, would you be up for doing a Song Wars maybe?

Like, off-air I said that to you, didn't I?

I think that's what you said on-air.

Well, I apologise if that's the case.

But no, I'm up for it.

But I want to check out the R&Rs, the rules and regs.

OK, OK.

Because, you know, are we doing it in a style of?

No.

OK, no.

No, there's no, there's no rules.

I mean, there's no rules.

No, I don't think so.

I would say keep them relatively short, like don't go over three minutes.

OK.

Certainly the shorter, the better.

Like when we started doing the me and Jo, it was really they were barely more than jingles anyway.

They were like 30 seconds sometimes.

So you can be very short if you want to.

And, you know, I live in sin with a musician.

Yeah, you know, you're going to go to hell.

So, you know, can I use and abuse that situation?

Yeah, I would say you can, like in the olden days with Joe, he, I think once or twice I tried to exploit some musician connections that I had.

And when Joe found out he got very passive aggressive about it.

His breathing went funny.

That's not cool.

That's not cool, man, because he and I were pretty super competitive about it.

So he didn't think that was on to enlist help.

I always, I must say, I always felt as if anything is fair game.

If you can, if you can employ the London Symphony Orchestra for a day, then go for it.

Great.

You know what I mean?

I booked that time with David Arnold at Air Studios.

Yeah, no, I'm so I'm excited to hear what you come up with.

I mean, I will I I'm not gonna put pussyfoot because that's revolting.

Okay, so If something that's not that good Then I will I will dump a big bucket of scorn on it.

Okay, great.

Last question.

Yeah.

Why did you choose hotel as a subject if you're a good experience recently sexy experience or just I don't know because I feel that it's an evocative kind of a situation that a lot of people can relate to and I just always wanted to do a song about a hotel and Actually, I also I had an idea for a song about a hotel as well.

So I thought yeah, I'll make this work for me and

See, that's quite honest of me, wasn't it?

Yeah, it's very good.

Because obviously Hotel Yorba, Hotel California.

Right, right, yeah.

It's a proud tradition.

Yeah.

So will you bring in this, you know, jingle next week?

Jingle next week.

And when are we, when's our Song Wars?

Well, you know, when we get it together.

But a couple of weeks.

A couple of weeks.

Great.

Perfect.

Yeah.

I shall do my best.

Yeah.

And look forward to your scorn.

You better.

Get ready for a bucket of scorn.

It's come to take me away The only one I know is mine

It's found and aching in me The only thing I wanna see Is them, they're talking to me

The only one I know

When she walks down the street The only thing I wanted to see Was comfort waiting to meet Everyone has been burned before And everybody knows the pain

is that that's old and charlatans that's old yeah yeah old and good he's got crazy hair that guy he's got amazing yeah i listened to his new single yesterday actually it's quite good he's got crazy bleach blonde mental hair bit like it's actually i kind of styled mine slightly on except you've cut the front of yours off like a visor have you got the have you got the bit that you cut off somewhere glued onto a visor so that you could i kept it in case we have another nutty doll

I can just stick it on that.

If you ever wanted to go to a charlatan scheme, you just glue it back on and pop your visor down.

On my Tim Burgess fringe.

That would be good.

So, Edith, I have a question for you.

Yes.

And it is thusly, what do you consider to be the most shockingly irresponsible song ever?

Wow.

I mean, that's a big question.

It is a big question.

Irresponsible song.

Something by a, maybe a rapping man or... Yeah, oh yeah, I'll tell you what I found utterly offensive and wrong was one of the most recent Dappy songs.

Oh, Dappy, what is he doing?

I mean, you'd think that he'd be a sensible guy to look at.

There's a word that describes this and you associate it with nappies, but I can't say it at this time on a Saturday morning.

But yeah, awful.

just leave now.

Dappy, what are you doing?

What are you doing?

You're supposed to be an upstanding pillar of the community.

Do you know what I mean?

Role model for hundreds and thousands of small animals.

Teens.

Well, rodents.

That may well be a shockingly irresponsible song.

Yeah.

But it's not the most shockingly irresponsible song ever made.

I'm talking about what shall we do with the drunken sailor?

Early in the morning.

That's the song that is still taught to children today.

Really?

Yeah.

Children still know that song.

That is a standard sea shanty, like, because everyone knows that young children need to have in their musical locker a selection of sea shanties in case they go a seafaring.

You know, that's a very important part of everyday life still.

But no, seriously, I think a lot of children still do know and have heard, what should we do with the drunken sailor?

Certainly we grew up with it, right?

Yeah, definitely.

And there are many bits.

I mean, this is it.

This is a song just to remind you about a crew member on a ship who has been on an alcoholic binge.

And he is being dealt with by the people singing the song in a variety of profoundly distressingly unhelpful ways.

Bits of advice.

There's very many variations in the song, but bits of advice include put him in the brig until he's sober.

Put him in the scuppers with the deck hose on him.

Shave his belly with a rusty razor.

Oh, no, that's dangerous.

Give him a hair of the dog that bit him.

I mean, that's just very... Don't encourage his alcoholism, surely.

Put him in the bilge and make him drink it.

What's the bilge?

That's like all the sloshy water in the... down in the basement of the boat.

I know all the boating terms.

Right.

Put him in a bed with the captain's daughter.

He'd be quite happy about that, surely.

Maybe, but that's very irresponsible.

We have to hope...

that she's, anyway.

But I've got nothing against sea shanties per se, right?

But when something that grotesquely irresponsible comes along, I feel as if I have to do something about it.

So because that is, I would say, may I say the most un-PC shanty?

hated.

Sorry about that.

My creepy laugh.

So I thought I thought it was time that I brought that particular shanty up to date.

And here's what I've come up with.

What shall we do with a drunken sailor?

What shall we do with a drunken sailor early in the morning?

Tell him he's hurting himself and his family Tell him he's hurting himself and his family Tell him he's hurting himself and his family And it's breaking their hearts It's so unprofessional It's so unprofessional It's so unprofessional

Professional lettin' down your workmates He's exceeded his allotted units He's exceeded his allotted units He's exceeded his allotted units Puttin' him at risk of A serious case of liver damage Serious case of liver damage Serious case of liver damage Possibly cirrhosis Catch him too, Baraka!

And call the councillor to talk about his problems, call the councillor to talk about his problems, call the councillor to talk about his problems, it might be cathartic.

Here's a link for a helpful website, here's a link for a helpful website, here's a link for a helpful site with numbers for support groups.

This we shall do for the drunken sailor, this we shall do for the drunken sailor, this we shall do for the drunken sailor, cos we care about him.

There we go.

There's something in you providing a service for parents and providing PC versions of most nursery rhymes and shanties.

I mean, that one could run and run, really.

And we could pepper that one through the podcast as well.

If anyone's got any other alternative bits of advice for the drunken sailor, then send them in and I'll record the heck out of them using my stupid voice.

All right.

What have we got now?

Band of Horses and Feud.

How will we get this home?

I can't tell The weakling is tall You'd better get this done Look at this face I wanted it all

Hey, you're on the TV, I need you to film Let's give them just a little justice Sing this, get a little money and a house and a car Fillin' up your pockets, but it's all in the sky I want you to play

Stay dreamy when the ship is on fire

I'm warning you, get a little money in the house and the car.

She's one of our most loved and respected singer-songwriters.

Joining 6Music tomorrow to share her record collection is Beth Orton.

Beth Orton's 6Music playlist.

I'm with you for the next hour picking some of my favourite tracks.

A bit of minimalist hip-hop from the 80s.

One of the most amazing grooves ever.

I love dancing to this song.

so I just thought it had to be aired.

The songs behind the songwriter.

I think she's got the most extraordinary voice and a particularly beautiful song as well.

Beth Orton, tomorrow from midday on BBC Radio 6 Music.

Like an eagle in a sunbeam, ride it on out like you were a bird.

Wear a tall hat like a troon in the old days, wear a tall hat and a tattooed gown.

Ride a white swan like the people of a bell town.

City on your shoulder in the morning

A druid in the old days wear a tall hat and a turtled gown Ride a white swan like the people of Ability We're your headlord, baby, can't go wrong I, I, I, I'm not a greedy dog

wear a tall hat like a druid in the old days wear a tall hat and a tattooed gown wear it what kind of advice is that confusing wear a tall hat like a druid in the old days what about a modern no like a druid in the old days not a tall hat like a modern dread what do you think i am and a tattooed and where's your tattooed gown wear it

Jay Marsh Music, hi Jay Marsh Music, says the Buxton foul language censorship method should be employed immediately and unilaterally across all BBC broadcasts.

That's true, I'm happy for that to be my role from now on, just the censor guy, censor monkey.

Send some monkeys good.

Should we do a couple of these?

Yeah.

Here's a story right now from a guy, Lorne, he's a male man from Birmingham, and he says, I remember losing it a long time ago, he actually writes a log time ago.

I remember losing it a log time ago, the time of logs, I was back in a forest.

Roughly at the beginning of the DVD player era, he says, returning from the pub with a friend, we decided to watch a film.

My DVD player had been playing up a bit, jumping, skipping, so it was having a great time.

But they weren't, just not reading the discs altogether.

Tonight was no different.

After trying to play a film several times and just getting an error message, I calmly unplugged the DVD player, took it downstairs, went to the back garden, where I proceeded to smash it to pieces with a pickaxe.

What's he doing with that pickaxe?

It's not standard back garden equipment, is it?

Bearing in mind it was about one in the morning, I woke the neighbours and I realised I'd gone a little too far.

Worst of all, I smashed the film I was going to watch, which was still in the player.

The film was Love, Honour and Obey.

Don't worry about it.

Just as well.

You did the right thing.

That was Lorne in Birmingham.

What's he doing with a pickaxe?

What's he doing being named after a Scottish sausage too as well?

Lorne?

Lorne sausage, yeah.

It's a square sausage.

Nice.

Clear in Birmingham, my partner lost his temper and let loose a string of obscenities at a lady who almost reversed into me in a car park when I was pregnant.

Another lady getting out of her car then asked him to watch his language which just caused him to get LOUDER and angrier.

I had to drag him into the supermarket, I lost him in the veg section and found him staring aimlessly into the cheesies to calm himself down.

You know, when people say calm down to me, that makes me go absolutely, completely mental.

I wouldn't have chosen the cheese section, though, to calm me down.

No.

I'd have gone straight for the freezer section and just stuck my head in the freezer.

Yes, the chill cabinet.

Yeah, that's where everyone goes to chill, of course.

But no, not cheese.

That would that would drive me absolutely bananas.

Your favourite thing in the world.

Yeah, I don't like it.

You know, the thing that really gets me is when people shake their head at you.

You know, do you ever get that?

When people do that?

Yeah.

I just get if I see that if I if I do some move that someone considers not on on my bike or whatever, and I get the head shake, I dismount.

And I go over and go, yeah, what, what, what, what?

Why was their head shaking?

What was that?

Because it's some, it seems to sort of imply this superiority, like, I know how to do things.

You are an idiot.

You are an absolute idiot.

Like the other day, there's a lot of delays on the trains because of the weather and stuff at the moment, especially on the

East Anglian line, which is not that smooth at the best of times.

Oh, there's a dig.

So we're at Liverpool Street the other day and there was a load of cancellations and there was a guy doing a very public head shake, you know.

At the entire station.

Exactly.

He was like, you know, like he really wanted people to clock him doing the head shake.

Oh, look at that guy over there.

He's disgusted with the service.

He knows if he was running it, things would be great.

Or let's all do a head shake and the trains will arrive.

Yeah, exactly.

I don't know, head shaking.

I'm not up for it.

I mean, I guess I've done it in my time.

I've done it deliberately to wind people up.

I know that, you know, because it's it's a it's a road thing, especially, isn't it when you're in the car?

Yeah, I did it at the Mr. Shouty at the gig.

Actually, I stood and just tried to stay them out so that thinking that my stare and my shaking head would make him stop talking.

yeah the head shake yeah tom york i bet he does a good head shake he does a great head shake you know what i mean uh you're listening to adam buxton it's just gone or 12 30 and it's time for the news now read by katherine cracknell

This is BBC Radio 6 Music.

Anger at Council's decision to remove foster children from UKIP members.

Tributes to Larry Hagman and QPR announces new manager.

BBC News at 12.30.

I'm Catherine Cracknell.

The Education Secretary Michael Gove has described as indefensible Rotherham Borough Council's decision to remove three children from a foster family because the parents are members of the UK Independence Party.

The council says it was worried about the children's cultural and ethnic needs because the children are EU migrants and UKIP campaigns for tougher controls on immigration.

Godfrey Bloom is Yorkshire's member of the European Parliament for UKIP.

He says the council's completely misunderstood the party's policies.

It's not based on colour.

It never has been.

This is a disgraceful and disgusting administration in Rotherham and I will see to it and our party will see to it they are removed from office.

Parts of the UK suffering from severe flooding are preparing for more heavy rain and strong winds.

The Environment Agency says the southwest and Wales are especially at risk.

Six children have been killed after a roadside bomb exploded in northwest Pakistan.

Security forces around the country are on alert.

The body of the late Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat will be exhumed next week.

The authorities want to settle speculation that he was poisoned.

Forensic scientists from France, Switzerland and Russia will carry out independent tests on the body.

Larry Hagman, best known for playing J.R.

Ewing in Dallas, has died at the age of 81.

A statement from his family said he was surrounded by loved ones when he died, peacefully, just as he'd wished for.

Robert Wilonsky is from the Dallas Morning News.

You know, I'll remember him as

As much a fixture of this city is the football team and the skyscrapers.

Our mayor said tonight when we spoke that as a character he was a myth.

But as a human, he was a great champion for the city and for the underdog.

Football and Harry Redknapp's been confirmed as the new manager of Queen's Park Rangers.

The West London club sacked Mark Hughes yesterday after just 10 months in charge.

QPR, who face Manchester United later, have yet to win this season and are bottom of the English Premier League.

That's 6 Music News.

There's more at 1.30.

This is 6 Music.

Tell me, tell me, is life just a playground?

Figure the real deal, honey, and someone will always

You sold me, sold me You sold me down the river now I hope you're feeling happy now Now you always have a sneer in your smile

Always!

And I'm glad, so glad that I'm done with you No more crying, crying, leaving me so black and blue You back me up against the wall, but I stand tall, don't give a damn no more

Bassman Jags on 6 Music, coming up to 20 to 1, Adam and Edith here with you.

That's a good example actually of a wailing lady in a powerful voice.

I've got a couple of suggestions, I wanted to kind of get a feel for the number one

Right, because I said last week, I very boldly, I mean, last week, you know, we were making all kinds of bold promises, weren't we?

Steaming in with a few surprise requests for Edith to do songs, which she hadn't been warned about.

And I also said, I'm gonna do a song, I'm going to do like a Gangnam Style song.

Yeah.

And I mean, everyone

There's a lot of parodies, but this wouldn't specifically be a parody.

I would genuinely want to do something that might have a chance of having some popular success.

You know what I mean?

Because I would very much like a Lamborghini, as I mentioned earlier on.

like a vespa yeah i mean if i don't get the lamborghini from mastermind then i'm gonna get it from the number one hit so i was outlining all the elements and i've been in touch with a producer this week i mean still though if you're listening and you are totally on top of the whole business of

um dance music and and think yeah i could i could do that kind of um production job in my sleep and do get in touch with the show we'd like to hear from you because the other thing i need is squelchy kind of synth riffs like

that kind of thing.

So this guy that I was talking to earlier in the week said that he might be able to come up with a few of those but if any anyone else listening has got any good little riffs, good squelching, like clean synth riffs or any funny noise riffs, hooks, then send them in.

And so what kind of things were you thinking of Edie?

Well from when I came to see your bug last time I was there, yeah a while back, you played a great video from Dee Antwood which weirdly we were talking about earlier so

I like that.

She's kind of a bit scary.

Enter the ninja.

Yeah.

But I quite like her.

With the helium voice.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's good, isn't it?

But that's quite good.

Then also you have people like Sia, who's a very good singer, but you know, you put her together with Gweta.

Means nothing.

And Bulletproof, nothing to lose.

It's the kind of random lyrics as well that they sing.

And what's your sort of vocal range then?

Well, you know, these days with this whole vocal... Would you be processing it?

Because we could process your vocals, I guess, and stuff, but it'd be nice to keep them fairly genuine.

Organic.

Yeah, exactly.

I mean, can you do a little whale for us right now?

Um, what, whale noise?

No, like a bit of singing.

I mean, whale noise would be great, but let's do that after.

Then I'll do my porpoise.

Um, I'll do some for you for next week.

Come on.

I'll do some for you for next week.

She's gone all red.

Do it, just whale.

Whale.

Uh, I can't do it.

It's like the whistling.

I can't do it on demand.

I can't do it.

I can't, no.

Wear a tall hat and a tattooed gown.

wear a tall hat and wail!

I'm going to play Joy from Medieval Winstead.

Let's take this walk, it's over to you

and talk and slow things down just be our old selves again finally let's take this walk let's take a walk to somewhere clear

It can't be anybody else.

Oh, the ones in the frame, showing you the past.

It's life or it's art.

This is where everybody turns out right at the end.

And you realize.

See us walking through the sunshine Ask me where I've been Back to wire, back to desire This is where it all began

Everybody turns out right at the end And you know when I'm lost, it's time to resign

I, I, I, I need your butterfly.

That's a good impression.

There you go.

Yeah, very good.

It's not exactly wailing.

All right.

Wear a tall hat, go on.

Well, funny you should say that.

Someone's correcting you.

Oh yeah.

Adam, doesn't it say wear a tall hat and a tattered, not tattooed gown?

Don't feel bad though, I always thought it said take a black hat and sit it on your shoulder, see if it smells.

Yeah.

Love in pyjamas.

Of course it's tattooed, isn't it?

Tattooed.

Why would it be tattooed?

Why would you tattoo a gown?

Well, I was thinking... Your face!

Mark Bolan, he'd do anything, wouldn't he?

Like, I was thinking, yeah, tattoo.

Of course it's tattered.

What a nutbucket.

I hate myself!

Let's have the Memory Bank jingle one more time.

Why not?

Time for some stories you deposited in the Memory Bank.

The Memory Bank.

Ooh, I'm sorry but you're barely overdrawn.

And here is a message right now.

Check this out from Sophia.

And I sort of hesitated to read this one out because, I mean, it's, you know, she would be well advised to listen to my drunken sailor PC shanty early on.

She says, I would usually regard myself as a sane individual, but I seemed to have a slight meltdown last year as I reached a new level of mentile behaviour.

I was slightly too intoxicated in a regular club I used to visit in Newcastle, where I would like to add treble vodkas are as cheap as a packet of jelly tots.

Finally, the bouncers decided I'd had enough and it was time to go home.

In my drunken state, I argued that they couldn't throw me out of my club as they asked me to leave.

It's my club!

before being carried down the stairs, kicking and flailing by three bouncers.

My next move was to run home and get into a freezing cold bath and have a tantrum for half an hour.

If this wasn't dignity-destroying enough, I ventured into the kitchen to find some plates, only to throw them repeatedly at the opposite wall.

My friends refer to it as when I went Greek.

Safe to say I woke up in the morning with the sour taste of regret in my mouth and the promise never to drink treble vodkas in Newcastle ever again.

I've managed to keep this a secret from most of my friends in sheer embarrassment.

Not quite sure why I think this is appropriate for broadcast on your show, which all my friends I know will be listening to.

But there you go.

Very glad to have you back.

Excited for Edith to join the team.

Love, Sophia.

Thanks very much, Sophia.

So that's a nice little sane sign off there and very generous.

But otherwise, you sound like you've got loads of problems.

What's the cold bath thing about?

You sound like your life's falling apart and you need like a lot of help.

And some new crockery.

I mean, if you had a night like that, manhandle down this out of a club by three persons.

This is a lovely lady woman as well.

Not a horrible man.

And then nothing to eat your breakfast off in the morning.

What's the cold bath?

Was she thinking that might sober her up a bit?

But all the time she was just ranting.

It's not cold enough.

Where's the soap?

And then find some plates to smash.

Yeah, because the bath hasn't really worked.

That's shocking, Sophia.

Proper losing it there.

I got one here from Harvey and Nuts.

At a muse gig, I screamed, get down, you ignorant fiend, at a girl on someone's shoulders blocking the view.

I actually went down well with the people around me and we all started throwing empty bottles at her when she ignored me.

She got down eventually.

Of course, as you would.

Yeah, exactly.

That's what happens at Muse gigs.

I mean, that is a lawless environment.

Listening to the robotic noise of Muse.

And suddenly start throwing plastic bottles.

That's not nice, is it?

No one likes a plastic bottle battle.

I've got some text on the PC Drunken Sailor actually.

Oh yes, the sea shanty yeah.

Claude and Brum says, morning Adam and Ediotricium.

Yeah.

Love the shanty.

Being a sailor who has had to look after many a drunken pal, never yourself, I find this version most helpful.

Almost public information.

Exactly.

Have a great day.

Yeah.

Reasonably nice work, Drunken Sailor stuff.

Give him toast and marmite to replace vital B vitamins and prevent

brain damage.

That doesn't scan though, does it?

Can I just have a quick look at that?

Give him tostamaramide to replace vital... It doesn't work.

That's difficult.

Come on, it's got to work.

Give him tostamaramide to replace vital B vitamins and prevent brain damage.

Give him... No.

No one can sing it that quickly.

Thanks though, Ruth, from Glasgow.

Yeah, bless you.

Who else have we got?

Drunken Sailor update.

Right, kids love pirates.

I'll get thoughts from my friends on this and get back.

David and Lincoln.

Yeah, can you just take a memo?

Live radio show, can you just stop, pause for a second, I'll be right back, I'm going to consult and I'll get back to you on that one, okay?

Just stick a pin in it.

Thanks very much, yeah.

I'm just on the blackberry, blah, blah, blah.

And Stu says, dear Dr. Buckles, thank you for curing my stress with your wonderful PCC shanty and I feel capable of operating heavy machinery, if that were in fact my job.

Yes, very good.

Thank you so much for all your messages throughout the show and don't forget that you can text us or actually no, not text but email during the week.

Yeah, anything you want really.

Yeah.

not hold back on the abuse that would be great if you could do that try and make them constructive and relatively concise because sometimes it's wonderful that you want to share at length with us but sometimes it becomes difficult to actually read the volume

that you type.

Of the words.

If you want to be a writer, start writing a novel.

I like the personalised introduction.

That was, I mean, whoa, Edith.

Come on.

I was trying to be nice about it, but you just dialed it right up to ten there.

I mean, flippin' hecktuck.

It's only show two.

Spuck.

Hecktuck.

You know what I mean?

Just say the address before we get into real trouble with the police.

Adam and Edith at bbc.co.uk.

Here's Hot Chip.

Yeah, it's going to be news night all over again otherwise.

Well you thought you could not go on Your bones are just beating like drums in your funeral song And your heart has been blown to

when we come

It's another health conscious song there as well.

Here's a message from Jared Duggan from Cheltenham, and he says, no, no, no, nonsense, nonsense, nonsense!

I have just checked several lyric sites, and Adam, Dr. Buckley's Buxton, is right.

The lyric is indeed, tattooed gown.

No!

Not tattered gown.

Wear a tall hat and a tattooed gown.

But maybe all those lyric sites are just publishing the same erroneous...

Yeah.

Mishearing.

Because when you think about it, when would you tattoo a gown?

Come on.

Well, this is the thing, Druids might and Mark might.

I mean it's exactly... Tie-dye, yes.

Yeah.

I know, I know, I know, yeah.

It's more likely to be tattered, I agree with that.

I just, listen, I have a fun story I want to share with you.

I just went to the lavatory.

Wow.

Yeah, it's good.

No, but there's like a... There's a skinny door.

There's a hair hanging from the cistern.

And it's, you know, it's from the Netherlands.

It's one of those types of hairs and from those regions and it's been there for weeks.

Every time I go in, it's there again.

Hey, how's it going, man?

And everyone must stare at it as well.

If you're a guy, you know, if you're standing and facing the system you get to see the hair Hey, what's up?

What's that?

Who do you belong to looking forward seeing it again next week one one week?

I'll get there and it won't be there anymore

You need to aim for it.

No, because it's hanging from the system.

It's like a high up system.

Okay.

I didn't explain.

Yeah.

Okay, if I aimed for I'd be I would be ruining the wall.

Which is not what you do at the castle or anywhere else.

Our bears are off on a trip this week, which is great.

We found someone to take the bears this week.

Good one.

Where are they going?

Well, they're off with Sandy, who's a flight dispatcher from Birmingham airport.

Spend some time in sunny Elmden Park, some hunting on the nature reserve, looking out for badgers.

And then they're off to Tenerife for the day.

Shut up.

Shut it.

Shut up.

A day.

No.

A day.

No!

My dad's called Sandy.

Is he?

Yep.

Tell him it's a lady's name.

Sandy Gore.

If you're listening as well, I don't know if you know, but that's a lady's name.

You've got a lady's name.

So it's just confusing.

I'm saying that's fine.

If you want a lady's name, Marion gum, that was John Wayne's real name.

Fine.

But it is going to be confusing for people.

just you.

Right, Liz is up next.

Yes.

And who's she got on the show?

Paul Tomkinson.

Stephen Tomkinson.

Paul Tomkinson is coming in.

No, Stephen Tomkinson and Mr DCI Banks, but it's not in connection with that.

I think he's in the production of Spamalot.

So he's chatting to Liz about that.

We will be with you once again at the same time 10 till 1 next Saturday.

There's a podcast of this show which will be available later tonight thanks to the editing skills of our lovely producer Dina.

Thank you so much to the team, Philippa and Ben and Jo who have worked on the show today.

Thank you so much for listening.

Take care.

Yeah, and feel free to get in touch as well as we said about, you know, whatever it is apart from abuse.

Adam and Edith at bbc.com.

Careful in the weather out there, yeah.

Okay.

Come on guys, keep it together.

I love you.

Bye!

Track again, y'all.

NYC, Dirty South, West Coast, Midwest, let's go If hip-hop should die before I wake I'll put an X in the clip and body him all day Roll up every station, wreck the DJ Roll up every station, wreck the DJ If hip-hop should die before I wake I'll load an X in the clip and body him all day Roll up every station, wreck the DJ Roll up every station, wreck the DJ DJ, DJ, I just died this morning and she dead

People smoke, chill, party, and die in the same corner Get cash, live fast, body they man's mama Quick, fast, trigger fingers on a llama Revenge in they eyes, Hennessy in the ganja Words to the wise, reveal a state of minds Grounded, hittin' Brazilian dimes from behind Grounded, hittin' Brazilian dimes from behind Grounded, hittin' Brazilian dimes from behind

I roll up, it's sewn up Any ghetto would tell you Nas helped grow us up My face once graced promotional Sony trucks 100 million in billing, I helped blow them up Gave my man my right, I could've went left So like my girl Foxy, the kid went deaf So people, who's the top ten?

Is it MC Shan?

Is it MC Roo?

If hip-hop should die before I wake, I put an X in the clip and body him all day.

Roller every station, wreck the DJ.

If hip-hop should die before I wake, I load an X in the clip and body him all day.

Roller every station, wreck the DJ.

DJ, DJ, I just died this morning and she dead.

Threw something ill, missing the ceiling What influenced my rap?

Stick ups and killings Kidnappings, project buildings, drug dealings Criticize that, why's that?

Cause Nas rap is compared to legitimized crap Cause we love to talk on nasty chickens Most intellectuals will only half listen So you can't blame jazz musicians Or David Stern with his NBA fashion issues Ooh, I think they like me and my white tee You can't ice me, we here for life, B On my second marriage, hip-hop's my first wifey And for that, we not taking it lightly If hip-hop should die, we die together

Bodies in the morgue lie together, all together now.

If hip hop should die before I wake, I put an X in the clip and body him all day.

Roller every station, wreck the DJ.

If hip hop should die before I wake, I load an X in the clip and body him all day.

Roller every station, wreck the DJ.

DJ, DJ, I just died this morning.

Everybody sound the same commercialize the game reminiscent when it was